Because I’m very curious, tell me what temperament your top two are. If you don’t know here is a link to a quiz for it: Temperament Quiz
Now some people feel this one is spot on and others feel it seems to be wrong and off. I did my first test a long time ago and this one gave me the same results as I had gotten back then!
So, tell me, what are your top two temperaments? Are you Sanguine? Are you Melancholy? Are you Choleric? Are you Phlegmatic?
Want a great life – deal with your past crap. Work through it, your fears, your limiting beliefs, your past and the triggers that cause your reactions. You have to clear out all your negative emotions and energies and people or you will never be free to be the self confident unique you that you’re meant to be.
L.E.D.
Learn it – your triggers, negative feelings and emotions, limiting beliefs that are holding you captive
Embrace it – work through it, disable the falsities by embracing truth, accept your part in the past, dig deep
Dance it Out – you made it through and you’re free, keep your new beliefs at the forefront for triggers so you can stomp it out and dance in your freedom for who you truly are and can be.
Have you ever heard about the happiness circle? Well, I thought I had but turns out I had not. Most of the time when I heard people talking about the circle, they were talking about the Wheel of Life.
Do you want to be happy? I highly suggest you take the time to watch these two videos. Then take the time to take the assessment to see where you are at with your rubber balls and your crystal balls!
Happiness Circle I
Happiness Circle II
Honestly, I truly believe that hurt-people hurt people, that all attack is a cry for love, and that MOST of the mess we see in the world is the direct resut of unresolved early childhood trauma.
So, my focus is radical self-honesty, and radical self-healing/integration. And then/thus to be a radically contagious catalyst.
~Dena Lynn
Transparency is not easy to do, especially when it comes to healthy and weight. Who wants to put it out there for the world to see how much you weight, put photos up and invite them into what you hope to do and the struggles to accomplish them.
I say the struggles because it has been a struggle for me. From a young age, I was and still am an emotional eater. When I am not an emotional eater, I am a bored snacker. When I am not a bored snacker, I starve myself. So as you can see, I have not had the best relationship with food.
So today on January 1, 2019, I got up and went into the bathroom. I got these clothes on and got on the scale. I took a photo of the weight. I went into the living room and have my Bella take a set of 4 photos. Then I went and created an image. It has taken me almost 10 hours to post this.
It takes vulnerability, bravery, transparency, confidence, and a willingness to be hurt to post this. I am not happy with my current health. I am not happy with my current activity level. I am not happy with my current eating habits. I am saddened by the actions of those around me when they to try and guilt me when I won’t try a bite, or won’t gladly accept the treat they got me, because if it hurts their feelings I no longer care because this is about me. It is about me being here for my children, my family, my grandchildren, and the best one of all: FOR ME!
On January 7th I am starting the healthy living revolution nutrition program. I am already implementing a lot of these things and today it created a lot of tears. When Bella asked for a snack from the store and I said, “sure but it has to be a healthy one.” And she picked fruit gushers and I said, “not healthy”. I gave her a long list of options and threw her tears picked nothing over healthy. It is okay, it is a process, for all of us.
So, welcome to my journey, my whole health journey. If anyone would like to join me on this journey, comment or message me. If anyone is curious what the Shred is about, let me know and I can add you to a group that has every question answered you could think of. If you just want to watch, I hope it helps you on your journey and encourages you.
I don’t know statistics and to be honest I don’t really care. Statistics do not mean much if we do nothing with them. One person dying by their own hand is to many. One person feeling so helpless, hopeless, and alone that they will never come out of that deep dark black endless pit that it is better to end their time here on earth, is one to many.
I know when suicide is talked about most, it is after a celebrity commits suicide. It is talked about for a while. There is an outcry for more awareness. There are a million social media posts about how heartbroken everyone is and how something has to be done. And then it just falls away, again. That should not be the only time it is talked about or an outcry should happen. It should be each and every time someone takes their life.
I am not a stranger to suicide. When I was younger I attempted it many times but was never successful. My cousin and her husband were both successful. My son has tried so 
many times and each time comes closer and closer to succeeding. This past spring my other cousin was successful. And even though all of those are heartbreaking and affect me, the one that haunts me is a best friend who took her life last October. Yes, I really do mean it haunts me.
Back in October my life was (once again) changed forever. I do understand that life is an every moving and every changing thing. However, when someone you love decides they can not longer survive here on earth, what they see as options isn’t what the rest of us see.
Since October I have run many situations and circumstances through my mind. I heard about it through someone who barely knew her. She wanted to confirm before spreading a rumor. I was glad this person didn’t want to spread a rumor however the fact you want to spread it at all kills me. It was as if from the time I got the message Wednesday night to the time I walked up to her door Thursday was in slow motion.
Message on Facebook. Reply on Facebook. Message on Facebook. Reply on Facebook. 
Panic, call her cell phone, call her husbands cell phone, call their home phone, no answers. Panic, want to get the kids out of bed, throw them in the car and drive over. Talk self out of that because if it was the truth there would be no functioning. Get kids ready for school. Intentionally avoid driving by the house out of sheer panic and fear when taking kids to school. Go back home, pay bills, smell her perfume over and over and over. Decide to head to her house to prove what I heard was wrong. Pull into driveway and see husband work car is still there. Panic. Stop car. Get out of car. Get to porch, open door, look at husband, he shakes head yes and I loose it.
I stand on the porch pointing at him, repeating no over and over and over, going into a full blown panic attack and meltdown.
I have no idea how long her husband sat there trying to get me off the porch. It could
have been 5 seconds it could have been 15 minutes. Once I was in the house, all I did was cry.
We talked, we hugged, and we looked for the positive. She is a believer, she was with Christ, she wasn’t in pain anymore and she was free.
It isn’t easy to look for the positive when someone chooses to leave this earth on their own accord. Still you have to find it because if all you do is focus on the negatives, as a survivor, you won’t make it.
Suicide became an option for her because of all she was going through. Even though there was an out and help for her, she could not see it. It has almost been a year since I last spoke to her. A year since I heard her voice. A year since I got a text from her. All because I knew she was lying about what was going on, approached her husband and all hell broke loose. She asked me to stay away and instead of following my gut, I respected what she was asking.
I drove by her house every day to take the kids to school. Every day I wanted to stop by and talk to her. Every day I wanted to tell her no matter what she did, we could get through it. Every day I wanted to just grab her, shake her and hug her and say, “It is okay, addiction can cause crazy things, you are self-medicating for a bigger problem, a mental health problem and I will walk this road with you. I have been exactly where you are, right this moment in time. I am proof you can get through it. I will hold your hand each step of the way. I will pick you up and help you when it is overwhelming. I will help you find the strength to say no to the external things and help you say yes to the medications you really need. I am here for you to help.” And yet, every day I respected what she asked me and never stopped.
Suicide hurts those left behind. It leaves them asking, “What if….” But it won’t bring them back.
And yet it is the only thing they see as an option in that moment. Suicide isn’t fair to 
those who are left behind and yet to the one suffering, they feel as if they are doing us a favor to leave.
How do you get those two clashing things to come together in your mind, in your life, in your soul? I do not know if you ever really can. All you can do is focus on the positive. Focus on how she helped me with school photos. How beautiful she was and how giving she was and how she is finally at peace.
It has taken me almost a full year to even find a way to write about this. It has taken me a year to process any of this, to wrap my head around any and all of it. To try and surrender my anger, hurt, heartache, emptiness, questions and confusion over to Christ about all of this.
I will never get over her being gone. I will always have tears that come and go for her when something triggers a memory. I will always miss seeing her watch her children grow up and seeing her beautiful smile. Her children meant the world to her.
She was a best friend who I tried to help and I wasn’t able to help. She was a best friend who I believed and thought the worst of her husband (I still need to find a way to say sorry to him over all of that). She was a best friend who I had coffee with every Thursday during the school year. She was a best friend whose home I haven’t seen since four days afterwards. She was a best friend whose family I haven’t spent time with since her memorial, on her and her husbands anniversary.
She was a beautiful soul and her spirit and beauty lives on in her children and her husband. I miss her and it is coming up on a year since she has been gone. It is coming up to a year when her suffering ended and she went home to Christ. It is coming up to a year and not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about, prayed for and cried out over all of it.
Dana Marie I love you and I miss you.
If you are in a deep dark place please go to the top of this post. On the talk to me image there are numbers you can call or text to get help.
If you have a friend who is in that deep dark place, reach out and talk to them. Don’t live with regret and the “what if’s……”
I have talked a lot about the fact I have autoimmune issues. Yes technically they are diseases, I prefer to call them issues.
I have been following a blog: Her Unusual Journey and she has been dealing with and dealt things very similar to me.
Here is the thing I know there are others out there who suffer like I have and do from time to time still. Yet when I read it, see it, hear about it, I am still heartbroken. I would not wish the things I have gone through on anyone I know.
She recently wrote a blog titled, “Signs That I Missed In Detecting Autoimmune Disease” and it was spot on. Here is a part of what she wrote:
Hey Guys! Okay, so I know I’ve talked about this before but I had signs of autoimmune disease when I was growing up we ignored. If you have any symptoms of anything I recommend getting checked out before its too late-better to be safe than sorry. I am just going to go into some of the things I’ve experienced that are common with autoimmune disease. I read an article that brought me to this realization on evenbetterhealth.com
Fatigue
I’ve had major major issues with fatigue my whole life. I never thought anything of it other than I was a growing teenager or child. I mean 8 hours of sleep can’t even satisfy the fatigue I have. I am always always tired. Coffee doesn’t work, adderall doesn’t work. It’s for sure a major issue in my life because I have to nap constantly.Muscle Weakness, Muscle Pain, & Joint Pain
I started having problems with this more and more as my autoimmune disease has developed particularly this year. You probably recall me talking about how I feel like I’m stuck in an 80 year old’s body–this is why. Also, when I was younger (and still now), I had this burning pain in my back when I was stressed and no one could figure out why and well all I can say is wooooowwww.Swelling/ Inflammation
This is kind of new still. During my flares my right eye swells up so-that’s always good.Susceptibility to Infections
Hahahahahahaha is all I can say. Lemme just tell you this year alone I’ve had multiple sinus infections, walking pneumonia, and regular colds. Whenever anyone sneezes or coughs on me I know I am done and down for the count.
I highly encourage you to go and read the rest of this amazing post! You see I have dealt with all of these things, for a long time. I never connected them to being related to a much bigger issue, like an autoimmune disease. I really thought and felt it was what adolescents went through. I never grew out of these things though, so I guess when I hit my mid-twenties I should have realized that something more was going on! Still didn’t catch on.
When I did finally start to reach out to my doctors and I did start to get diagnosed, I never knew the things I was being diagnosed with were actually autoimmune diseases. Not a single doctor said those words to me. It didn’t actually click and sink in that I had autoimmune issues until my general practitioner said she wanted to send me to an immunologist. Then a light bulb went off that maybe I had some autoimmune things happening.
That is when I looked up what autoimmune diseases were, what made them that, how they were treated, how they affect people and if you could get rid of them. At that point I realized that 90% of the things doctors had diagnosed me with were all autoimmune diseases. It was pretty heartbreaking. Especially since no one had figured out what was causing the overall body pain, swelling, infections and everything else that I had going on.
I am doing much better since I changed my eating habits seventeen months ago. I am doing much better since I started to flood my body with whole food based nutritional capsules daily. I never thought I could say that fruits, veggies, berries, chocolate and vanilla would change my life. And yet it has!
I can’t encourage you enough to go and visit Sydney and her extremely well written post about signs you may be missing! I wish that this post had been around when I had no idea what was going on! You won’t regret the time it takes to read what she wrote.
So this is me when I go out in public and illness is flying around. When I am sick or when the flu (stomach and lung), gastro anything, common colds or anything, this is how I look when I go out of the house. Having any autoimmune problems leads to needing protection. It is not fun, especially with glasses on. I tend to fog them up (anyone have suggestions for that?) and then I can’t see. Still if it helps save me from being down with an illness I will take it.
So this is how I used to look when I would get a flare up. Smallest flare ups for me lead to swollen eye, swollen nose and swollen lips. If I was really lucky I would also end up a swollen cheek. Thankfully it has been about twelve months since I have had swollen eye, nose, cheek and lips during a flare up. Not only did I hate going out in public but it was extremely painful. I didn’t think I would ever be so thankful to not have swelling on my face.
This was me, not at my worst with rosacea. Which come to find out is an autoimmune disease. My face would be red, swollen, full of pustules, and I called myself a reverse clown face. I couldn’t have my children kiss me or touch my face without pain. My husband would kiss me and I would be in tears. I would wash my face while I cried. It was one of the most miserable times of my life. My body didn’t look red like my face but the rest of my body was in just as much pain as my face was. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t smile, I cried most of the time and I had no idea how in the world I was going to continue living the way I was.
Autoimmune issues are real and they affect every part of your life. You may be missing signs that show you have autoimmune issues going on. Go read her blog. She may have something that opens your eyes and helps you talk to your doctor about what is going on.
The healthier I get the more I realize there are things that are just not good for me. There are some people who are out there who can indulge in certain foods from time to time and they don’t have huge consequences. On the other hand I am seeing when I get things like dairy, I bloat and have intestinal issues for about a week.
Today we had Bible study here at the house. There is nothing that soothes my soul like a great talk with some of the best friends I have ever had. One was missing today but she had a really good reason. I indulged today in some white cheddar popcorn. I did it on Monday as well (another Bible/book study).
So this past weekend, after a week of clean eating, my stomach was really flat (as flat as you can get when you are fluffy). I could see a huge difference. By Tuesday after having the cheddar popcorn the night before, I was bloated in a massive way. It all of a sudden
hit me that the only thing I had really added back was the dairy.
It was a sad moment for me. In March of 2016 of eliminated gluten. I am not 100% gluten-free because I have cross contamination in my home. But I do not eat gluten products myself anymore. I have gotten used to not eating gluten. I have eliminated a lot of the gluten products in my house but there are still a few things I let the rest of the family eat. So to realize that I have one more thing that I must eliminate was a little heartbreaking.
I have been doing a really good job and feeling better. But when I realize that a lot of my current issues are due to choices I am making, I have to stop it. I know what being in pain is like. I know what feeling better is like. So how can I intentionally make choices that bring the pain on?
Still today, without thinking about it, I ate more white cheddar popcorn. Not only that, I ate some caramel almonds, some yogurt almonds, and some chocolate almonds (all powdered, all with dairy). Before I sat down for dinner, I looked like I was even more fluffy than when the day started. Then it hit me again.
DAIRY
So here I am, having to make an even more adjustments and being even more conscious before just putting something into my mouth. Not only will this be an adjustment for me, it will be for the external family and friends. I have zero issues skipping out on eating something but others take offense to it if I choose not to partake in meals offered.
My family and my husband’s family have a hard time accepting that I choose not to eat certain things. They feel as if they have to make things I can eat. I personally do not
expect everyone/anyone to change what they cook or eat to accommodate me. If I am worried I won’t have anything to eat then I bring my own food that I know I can eat.
You see I have a lot of different autoimmune issues. Each one of those issues comes with its own diet to follow. Sixteen months ago when my family and I started to flood our bodies daily with fruits, veggies and berries those diets slowly changed for me. I was able to start slowly adding things back in I had not been able to eat for a long time.
It was wonderful being able to eat tomatoes, onions, garlic, lemons, limes and anything else I really wanted to. I could pick out any apple to eat instead of only a few that are more low acid ones. It was like I was a child seeing her presents for the first time on Christmas morning and then opening those presents and seeing everything she had put on her Christmas list. It was that amazing!
There were a few things though I had questions about still. I was doing my best to keep 
our family off processed foods, I was working on eliminating gluten, I was iffy on the whole dairy thing and then one of the biggest ones was how did I go about replacing sugar with a more natural sugar. Once I started flooding my body with the whole food nutrition on a daily basis tossing the gluten wasn’t a bit deal.
I didn’t crave it like I used to do. I wasn’t really eating many processed foods at that point. My family still does but my consumption was down to maybe 4 times a month. Dairy I had no idea how I was going to eliminate that one. As a matter of fact I crossed that off my list of eliminations and figured if it really was a problem I’d get to it later.
How was I going to replace sugar with something more natural? I wasn’t certain. But I started with looking around trying to figure it out. Everyone has their own opinions on it. I have been doing mainly raw honey (local farmers) and real maple syrup. It has been doing a really good job actually.
I have fibromyalgia. I have rosacea. I have psoriasis. I have endometriosis. I have
interstitial cystitis. I have sjogren syndrome. I have raynaud’s phenomenon. I have reactive arthritis. We were about to start testing for mixed connective tissue disease and started testing for eosinophilic esophagitis but some insurance complications came up.
Autoimmune issues come with pain, inflammation from pain, and each one has its own diet plan (like I said earlier), many prescriptions, and so many tests and doctors that I can’t even begin to describe it. On top of that comes exhaustion, depression, anxiety, self-consciousness, and more emotions that you may not even be able to describe.
It is not easy living a life that most don’t understand. I avoided people. I didn’t want to be friends with people really because I couldn’t be the friend I should be. I was not happy. I tried to pretend but I didn’t do a very good job I am sure. I cried a lot. I lived in bed a lot.
I am sure you are getting a general picture to what I was like. How anyone could love me, I am not sure because I didn’t even like myself.
But things changed in February 2016 when my husband and I decided to start the 
children’s health study with our purchase of our fruits, veggies and berry capsules. We were going to feed our children for free, for up to four years. Why not? I mean we had tried everything at that point. What if this was the last thing I ever had to do to feel better? What if this was it?
Guess what? It was it! It has helped in ways I never thought possible. My daily pain levels of 10 plus are down to 4-6 daily. My red, reverse clown face that made me cry when I washed my face or my children kissed me is pretty much gone. My pustules that made me hate looking in the mirror are about 90% gone.
Those I things I never thought I would reach. Those are things I had given up on long ago. I cried daily and I hated it. I don’t cry often anymore and rarely do I cry from pain anymore.
So for me to realize that I have one more thing I need to eliminate, it is a bit disheartening but in the grand scheme of things, I am okay with it. It will take work because I have to go back to reading packages more carefully. Soon I will know what I can’t have.
It is a price I am willing to pay so that maybe that 4-6 daily drops to a 3-5 daily!
Life was never promised to be easy. Some days it is a bit more overwhelming for me to deal with than others. Today is one of those days. My pain has been elevated. I have been working hard around the house and out in the yard. I still have a lot to do and it makes it hard when there is the pain.
My pain isn't as bad as it used to be. For that I am really thankful. It still wears on you. My exhaustion goes up. My hands don't work the way they are supposed to. My legs don't work the way they are supposed to. My neck, shoulders, upper back, hips, lower back and knee areas have spots that turn into sore spots.
It is one of those days where I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to lay down and sleep but can't because I have a house full of children. I had so much more on my list to accomplish but it was to much today.
It always seems like when I have pain everything else is even more overwhelming. Why is that? Why does physical pain cause everything else to be so much more difficult?
Here is the best part for me right now, even though it has been hard tomorrow is a new day. I get to close my eyes, talk to Christ, sleep and refresh and wake up tomorrow and start over.
I will wake up with pain. I will wake up with things to do. I will wake up and say thank you for allowing me to have another day.
There is talent all over the world. I have never been a huge fan of shows like American Idol and some of the other shows like that. However there are two shows I have come to love: America’s Got Talent and The Voice.
We gave up cable a while ago. Financially it just made sense. We still needed internet and we have a smart TV and an Amazon Fire TV. So we watch Youtube and we also have Netflix. I do not get to see the most current shows that I used to love but that is okay.
We survive without live TV. I never thought it would work for a few in the house but overall everyone has adjusted great.
Now I just want to share a few of my favorite people from these shows. Music speaks to my soul. The people who sing, write, and perform these songs all have stories. Guess what? Those stories speak to my soul. My husband is assured that when we had cable that I would cry during each of those shows at least once.
Chris Medina was on America’s Got Talent but I can’t find that video now.
If I am picking the music I am listening to, most of the time it is going to be some form of Christian music. It just speaks to me. I can sing, praise, and cry out to God. I also find that it just feeds the soul. So often I can get into my car and feel frustrated or defeated and then I start the car and a song will be on.
My whole attitude is changed. My outlook is better. I feel His presence and I just feel better. I feel His comfort. I know that no matter what happens, it is going to be okay. He is with me.
Does music ever speak to you like this?
Today I had the privilege of sitting down with someone who has had a massive
transformation over the last twelve months. This is a person who has been in my life for the past ten years. This is the person that brought Jack and I together. I am not even sure if he knew that until this past weekend.
He gave up his old ways because the Holy Spirit had entered into his heart. Not only did He enter into his heart, He began to whisper to him. He was placing people, situations, and places around him that were planting seeds in him.
I got to listen to his story today. I got to listen to his vision for the future today. I was lucky enough to be able to see something I had never before seen and it was amazing.
I was also able to share my story or part of my story with him. I am the first to admit even my husband doesn’t know my whole story. It is something I am working on. I would 
not be who I am today without my story. Still admitting all of it, isn’t always the easiest thing to do.
Why is it when we meet someone new we are afraid to admit who we were? Maybe you still struggle with some of the same sins but you are an ever changing child of God. If you are working on you, if you are developing your relationship with Christ, what are you afraid of to admit who you were?
Give Him the glory! You can not change without Him moving in your life! You can not transform without Him moving in your life! Your transformation is powerful because He allowed you to be transformed! He is using you in His story, for His glory!
Maybe you don’t have an awesome transformation story. Maybe you grew up in the church. Maybe you followed all the rules. Maybe you never had that ah-ha moment where you woke up and God moved in you. To me those stories are just as moving
because tragedy, mental health problems, and life still happens!
Those who have grown up and not had a big life change still struggle. There is still hardships and to see how they walk through those moments give hope. To someone like me. Someone who grew up in the church and walked away and created a mess for her life.
There is hope that my life, even though it is full of struggle and hardships, I can look at those who have always gone to God and I have a role model. I have someone I can call and say, “How would you deal with this?” or “What Bible book or chapter or verse would you read?” or “Please pray for me.”
Transformation is a powerful thing. Sharing your story is a powerful thing. Being vulnerable enough to show others what you have become from who you were, is a powerful thing.
I have recently learned the power of writing your story out. Write out a short, quick story to share with people who are not certain. Make it two minutes or less. Write out a longer version to share with those who are dipping their toes in the water. This is your cliff notes version. Give them your highlights. Write out your full story. We are not talking about your life story here. We are talking about what you were, what woke you up, where God had called you and where you are going with Him. This here is for those who are in some where in their own transformation.
Have you ever realized that once your growth starts, if you feed it, it never stops. I have talked about how important it is to spend time with your friend, Jesus every day is before. If He was a friend who was physically here, would you ignore them for days, weeks, months and expect that your friendship would be rock solid? I know I wouldn’t. I know with my best friends, if I do not connected with them at least once a day I feel as if I am missing something.
So for me personally, why would I skip over the most important relationship in my life? I have done that before and I hate it. I grow distant from Him. I don’t feel Him. I don’t hear Him. I feel like I have this hole in my heart that nothing can fill up. I have excess anxiety, worry, fears, bad choices and an overall uneasiness. It isn’t any fun for me. I am an irritable mess.
I decided over a year ago now I didn’t want to get back to being that person. There are still times I fail miserably at it but now it doesn’t take me as long to realize what is off, what is wrong and what is missing. The best part is He is always waiting right where I left Him. He is standing there with His arms out waiting for me to come running back.
How awesome is that? I can walk away a million times and He stops and waits for me to 
come back!
Today, I really realized the power of transformation. I can’t tell you how many times I hit rock bottom before I figured out what was going wrong. I can’t tell you how many times I made horrific life choices. I can tell you that what I felt like was a big gaping hole in my life that I was constantly trying to fill with the wrong things was the Holy Spirit working in me.
She was biding Her time. She was waiting on me. She was always in me and always with me. She just waited for me to die to myself to come to Her, to come home to Christ, to walk through the doors to God.
That cycle has happened far more than I would like to admit but it is my story. It is who I
am. It is who has brought me to this point in my life. It is the story He has allowed me to go through for His glory.
The person I met with this morning, he has a similar story. To see a baby believer come into their relationship with Jesus was uplifting. To see the fire in him was inspiring. I will be the first to admit, it is easy to become complacent, to let that fire fade into embers.
That isn’t what we are called to though. We do not have to do big things to transform others. We are called to share our love, our story, and to plant seeds by being Jesus with skin on here and now.
The power of transformation is an amazing thing. Allowing your story to be told for His glory is an amazing thing! Do not be ashamed of who you were and what you have gone through because He is using you in big ways and you may not even know it.
My day did not go the way I planned. 
I find myself reminding myself that it is ultimately His plan and not mine. He can and does use everything for His purpose. It is His plan and not mine.
My day consisted of a lot of unplanned things. Some good, some not so good and
some were just ehh.
side yard and part of the back yard looks like a million bunnies were murdered. 
terrified of storms and some are set to come through. They will be hitting them tomorrow night. It’s taking everything in me not to just go pick her up. 
last week when I gave the kids ten minutes of cleaning time, they were just hiding all the papers and trash. I spent a lot of time throwing thing away today. 
someone’s fault, that if everyone would just do what they are supposed to then this person would be able to do what they are supposed to. Even though this whole situation is because this person didn’t do what they were supposed to do in the first place. Never at fault, never to blame. This day has had many ups and downs. It 
didn’t go as I expected it to. I’m supposed to be sleeping already because tomorrow is a really early day.
But I have to remind myself: I have freewill but this life is not my own!
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