Keepers of the Faith Quartet

Tonight I was blessed enough to go to my church and help support Community Recovery by attending the Keepers of the Faith group. Their story brought me to tears. They music spoke to my soul.

This concert is not at our church but it will give you an idea of what I had the privilege of watching tonight.

They reminded me during their testimony why I am involved with Friday nights. They reminded me how powerful God is. They reminded me that God is able to work in the hearts of the unsaved. They reminded me that I am a Christian who is a sinner who is loved and who has a relationship with Christ.

God has a plan for me. I may not fully know what it is but I am enjoying where I am heading right now. There are hopes and dreams I have and I can see Him working in my life and changing things. I have things I have never admitted to others but have been praying about, and things are moving.

God is in the job of miracles and moving hearts that seem unmovable. Never give up praying, never give up hope and always give everything over to Him. It doesn’t mean you stand still and do nothing, it just means before making rash choices, you go to Him first.

I know two people in my life who have given me real hope. Hope that my children do not have to go through the things I did in my life. Two people who gave their lives over to Christ and lead a good life. These two people made good choices, let God rule their lives and at least one of them said the feel as if they didn’t really live and experience life.

And yet, I look at them and see that they have experienced life, a good life, a Christian life. Yes they have some hardship but not the hardships I personally caused in my life. They never had the consequences of making really bad choices.

Do not get me wrong, all children, teens and young adults can make bad choices. Even though who have Christ in their life. But these two, they didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant out of wedlock, they didn’t have to worry about if they were self medicating to drowned out the things they didn’t know how to deal with, they didn’t have to worry about a lot of things I dealt with on a regular basis.

Things that I brought on myself. My choices. My impulsive decisions. My lack of care or concern about what the outcome would be.

I look up to know and they give me hope. They give me hope that my daughter and my son, my youngest two, can be like these two amazing women. They can accept Christ and they can look to Him before they make rash decisions. They can be happy and not be missing out on life by putting Him first.

They can volunteer. They can be in the youth group. They can go on mission trips. They can pray. They can group up in the church and they can have a relationship with Christ. They can have a RELATIONSHIP with Christ!

I grew up in a church. I went to a grade school that was religious based. Do you know what I wasn’t taught? I wasn’t taught to read the Bible. I wasn’t taught to have a relationship with Christ. I went to church. I memorized some prayers. I memorized some Bible verses. I learned how to do communion, confession, and I went to CCD.

But I was never taught to have a relationship with Christ. I am going to teach my children how to have a relationship with Him. I want my children to be like those two women I know. I want they to be able to make their own choices with Christ. I want them to know that they can experience life, have a great time, help others, have good friends and still make good choices.

Tonight I was reminded of where I have come from. Tonight I was reminded that I am not the same sinner I was when I first accepted Christ. I am a totally new sinner. I won’t ever be free from that this side of heaven but I will continue to work on my issues and problems. I can continue to be better than I am today.

Tonight I was reminded of the fact that I have to teach my children. I have to show them how to have a relationship with Christ. That I have to pray in front of them. That I have to read my Bible in front of them. That I have to volunteer in front of them and involve them. I can’t just tell them to do it, I have to show them how to do it!

Tonight I was lucky and blessed to be able to go to the concert. I was really happy to be able to listen to them sing and to their testimony. Now it is time to use what I was reminded of and to help teach my children about having a relationship with Christ.

When You Realize How Blessed You Are

There isn’t much I don’t appreciate these days. So many of my friends; whom I consider family, have cancer, health issues, financial issues, relationship issues, and other things that can be overwhelming. Each person feels things differently and so there is no way to compare each persons pain but there are so many who are suffering.

I am not without my own pain but I have gotten back to being in His Word. You see I had fallen away from my daily time with Christ. That had caused me to focus on what was going wrong in my life instead of focusing on what is good, what was going right, what was a blessing in my life. I wasn’t seeing anything but bad.

Six days ago, I got back into my daily time. Six days ago I started to open up my Bible app every day and read the verse of the day, read three plans I had stopped and feeling closer to God. One day three, I started to feel content again. I started to look at the positive things. I started to see my blessings again.

One the second day of doing the getting into the devotions I read Psalm 143 and it spoke to me in so many ways.

Lord, here my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me swell in the darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For your name’s sake, Lord, Preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

It isn’t that my problems went away. It isn’t that my pain disappeared. It is that my focus shifted. I was looking to God when I started to focus on the issues that are in my life. I would start to pray when the anxiety would creep up.

I started to focus on my spiritual warfare again.

Today, the verse of the day is Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Not only is it the verse of the day, it was in my Devotional about Fighting an Invisible Enemy. It really made me think.

Every day I should be putting my spiritual armor on. Ephesians 6:11 says “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit. And I need to be praying in the Spirit on ever occasion with all of my prayers and requests.

I am not perfect and my life is not perfect. But I am finding joy in the little things. I am turning to Christ when I am struggling and overwhelmed. I am giving it over to Him because I know that even during the hard time, He has me and He will help me grow and make it through.

Yesterday we celebrated my parents birthday’s. They were both born in August only a year and a few days apart. This allows us at the end of each summer to have one more big family get together. We are able to enjoy food, swimming, company and family.

Yesterday’s get together also brought a lot of laughter with it. It has been a long time since our family has laughed and had this much fun. We enjoy each other. We support each other. We laugh with each other. And yesterday had a huge cupcake fight.

No one was spared. It started with me, getting Bella in the face. Which lead to her having a meltdown. I finally got her into the house to clean her face off and here comes my mom with a smurf face and teeth. I step outside and see that there is neon pink, green, blue and yellow every where.

When I say every where, I mean on just about every person, the dog, the ground, the deck and chairs. I sat down in a chair and was covered in frosting very quickly. My brother and sister in law escaped for a little bit. They ran into the house, pulled the door shut and locked the door while their youngest daughter threw a cupcake at them and hit the window.

I then encouraged my nieces to grab a cupcake and run around the house and go in through an unlocked door to get them. They did and it was a great moment.

Here is the biggest thing for me: had I not gotten into His Word days before, had I not gotten my focus off of the negative I would not have been able to enjoy this past Sunday. I would have been focusing on the negative things. I would not have had a good time with my family like I was able to.

I would not have enjoyed the food. I would not have enjoyed the kids laughing. I would not have enjoyed the stressful moments. I would not have been able to laugh myself. I would not have been able to just enjoy the last fun moments of summer with the amazing family God has given to me.

If you are struggling, I encourage you to build your relationship with God. Speak to Him every day. Pray in the Spirit when you are struggle. Laugh with Him. Cry with Him.

You are His child and He loves you!

Trusting Your Path

Trusting the path you are on is not always easy. Today I have done a lot of thinking and praying and being frustrated and praying some more.

I have talked about the Tower Garden a few times before. After many long talks, we finally decided to purchase one a couple weeks ago. So very excited and I could not wait for it to get here. It arrived last night.

Because of some disappointing news at the end of last week, I have been trying to decide if we should send it back. I probably should but seeing how Jack is now eating a lot of salads on top of me eating at least one a day, in the end it will save us money. It is just a matter of trying to figure out how to make it work until the point it is paid for.

So today we spent some time setting it up. All we have left to do is get the seeds going in the rockwool and soon we will have our own vertical aeroponic fresh garden that is feeding our family year round.

Then came the talk from Jack. If Adam isn’t going to be living here anymore we should make his room a bedroom and office. We can put your computer desk in there to get it out of the kitchen so in the winter we can put the Tower Garden in there.

I may have been a bit unhappy with that suggestion. While deep down I know Adam isn’t coming back home, I am not ready for him to be gone. I get it, I have three other children who are still living in the home. We don’t have our basement because it flooded twice and we can’t repair it. It would be better to have only five people living on the main level instead of six. It would be better to only have to feed five people instead of six.

Still it hit me hard. I felt like I had a knife stabbed into my chest. He hasn’t been here since the 23rd of July. I rarely get a text from him. He never calls and rarely picks up the phone when I call. And yet, the thought of changing his room hurts. He is my baby and with him not living here, I won’t see him or hear from him hardly at all. It is just who he is as a person.

Trusting the path I am on and trusting the path he is on and trusting the path our family is on – it is hard.

There is no way to say for certain that any of the choices you make are the right ones. You can pray about it. You can talk about it with God. You can confirm it with what others say that affirm it. Yet there is still a chance, it is going to turn out wrong.

We do not have control over anything but ourselves and our choices. We could be making all the correct choices and someone else’s bad choice could still cross paths with our good choice.

I opened all my notes from boot camp today and was reflecting upon some of them. Some of the people quoted Joan of Arc. Some of the people quoted Wonder Woman. Some of the people quoted Eric Worre. Some of the people quoted Brene Brown. I wrote a lot of quotes down but one of them really stuck out to me.

When Joan of Arc was telling the General she was going to lead the troops into battle he wasn’t favorable with his response. He said, “Not a man will follow you.” and her response was, “I won’t be looking back to see if they’re following me.”

That really got me thinking. She had messages from God. She knew her path was right. She didn’t care if they followed her because God told her to do this. She didn’t have to worry about if they were following her because she trusted the path God had placed her on. She was acting and God would act because of it.

I may not be getting messages from any angel that God sent to me but He does send me plenty of signs. To have the faith she had would be amazing because I do not believe I have that faith. It takes me a long time to truth the path He has placed me upon and then I still question it once I am going down it.

Trust is a hard thing. Why is it so hard though? For me, I am human and I have been hurt by other humans. I have hurt others humans. I have been a horrible person to some people. That is why it is so hard trusting because I place God in that human form. Guess what? He isn’t though!

God is good. God doesn’t want bad things to happen to any of His children. He didn’t have this plan for us. He knew it would happen but it wasn’t His plan. He gave us freewill so we could choose. He knew what we would choose and still He allowed it all to happen, even though it wasn’t His plan.

We are pretty darn amazing at screwing things up. He is pretty darn amazing at being there for us no matter what. He has given us grace.

Today is the start of a new month. Today is the true start of having to figure things out again. Life is great at throwing you curve balls and most of the time, I don’t catch them because they hit me square in the chest. I have had to really just give it all up to God because I have run out of options to figure it out myself.

I just said to someone the other day, “You can’t keep on rescuing her because then you are not allowing her to have to rely upon God.” In many ways it was a huge slap in my own face. Those words hit me hard. I haven’t fully been trusting because I have always been looking for a way to fix it all myself.

I am not saying we don’t have a responsibility to act and do our part. However when we are not just praying, when we are not working on our relationship with Him, when we are looking for solutions and just jumping in feet first (or even head first), we are not trusting our path. We are trying to create our own path and figure it out instead of doing His will for us and following His path.

 

The Power of Transformation

Today I had the privilege of sitting down with someone who has had a massive transformation over the last twelve months. This is a person who has been in my life for the past ten years. This is the person that brought Jack and I together. I am not even sure if he knew that until this past weekend.

He gave up his old ways because the Holy Spirit had entered into his heart. Not only did He enter into his heart, He began to whisper to him. He was placing people, situations, and places around him that were planting seeds in him.

I got to listen to his story today. I got to listen to his vision for the future today. I was lucky enough to be able to see something I had never before seen and it was amazing.

I was also able to share my story or part of my story with him. I am the first to admit even my husband doesn’t know my whole story. It is something I am working on. I would not be who I am today without my story. Still admitting all of it, isn’t always the easiest thing to do.

Why is it when we meet someone new we are afraid to admit who we were? Maybe you still struggle with some of the same sins but you are an ever changing child of God. If you are working on you, if you are developing your relationship with Christ, what are you afraid of to admit who you were?

Give Him the glory! You can not change without Him moving in your life! You can not transform without Him moving in your life! Your transformation is powerful because He allowed you to be transformed! He is using you in His story, for His glory!

Maybe you don’t have an awesome transformation story. Maybe you grew up in the church. Maybe you followed all the rules. Maybe you never had that ah-ha moment where you woke up and God moved in you. To me those stories are just as moving
because tragedy, mental health problems,  and life still happens!

Those who have grown up and not had a big life change still struggle. There is still hardships and to see how they walk through those moments give hope. To someone like me. Someone who grew up in the church and walked away and created a mess for her life.

There is hope that my life, even though it is full of struggle and hardships, I can look at those who have always gone to God and I have a role model. I have someone I can call and say, “How would you deal with this?” or “What Bible book or chapter or verse would you read?” or “Please pray for me.”

Transformation is a powerful thing. Sharing your story is a powerful thing. Being vulnerable enough to show others what you have become from who you were, is a powerful thing.

I have recently learned the power of writing your story out. Write out a short, quick story to share with people who are not certain. Make it two minutes or less. Write out a longer version to share with those who are dipping their toes in the water. This is your cliff notes version. Give them your highlights. Write out your full story. We are not talking about your life story here. We are talking about what you were, what woke you up, where God had called you and where you are going with Him. This here is for those who are in some where in their own transformation.

Have you ever realized that once your growth starts, if you feed it, it never stops. I have talked about how important it is to spend time with your friend, Jesus every day is before. If He was a friend who was physically here, would you ignore them for days, weeks, months and expect that your friendship would be rock solid? I know I wouldn’t. I know with my best friends, if I do not connected with them at least once a day I feel as if I am missing something.

So for me personally, why would I skip over the most important relationship in my life? I have done that before and I hate it. I grow distant from Him. I don’t feel Him. I don’t hear Him. I feel like I have this hole in my heart that nothing can fill up. I have excess anxiety, worry, fears, bad choices and an overall uneasiness. It isn’t any fun for me. I am an irritable mess.

I decided over a year ago now I didn’t want to get back to being that person. There are still times I fail miserably at it but now it doesn’t take me as long to realize what is off, what is wrong and what is missing. The best part is He is always waiting right where I left Him. He is standing there with His arms out waiting for me to come running back.

How awesome is that? I can walk away a million times and He stops and waits for me to come back!

Today, I really realized the power of transformation. I can’t tell you how many times I hit rock bottom before I figured out what was going wrong. I can’t tell you how many times I made horrific life choices. I can tell you that what I felt like was a big gaping hole in my life that I was constantly trying to fill with the wrong things was the Holy Spirit working in me.

She was biding Her time. She was waiting on me. She was always in me and always with me. She just waited for me to die to myself to come to Her, to come home to Christ, to walk through the doors to God.

That cycle has happened far more than I would like to admit but it is my story. It is who I am. It is who has brought me to this point in my life. It is the story He has allowed me to go through for His glory.

The person I met with this morning, he has a similar story. To see a baby believer come into their relationship with Jesus was uplifting. To see the fire in him was inspiring. I will be the first to admit, it is easy to become complacent, to let that fire fade into embers.

That isn’t what we are called to though. We do not have to do big things to transform others. We are called to share our love, our story, and to plant seeds by being Jesus with skin on here and now.

The power of transformation is an amazing thing. Allowing your story to be told for His glory is an amazing thing! Do not be ashamed of who you were and what you have gone through because He is using you in big ways and you may not even know it.

FerVent Prayer Strategy Ten

Each week from September to May I attend a Bible study at my church. It is a woman’s bible study and I enjoy everything about it! I have had the privlege of learning from each of these ladies and become friends with so many of them. It has been such a perfect place for me to have growth with other Christian woman.

The current book is called FerVent by Priscilla Shirer. We are almost to the end of the book. I can say for certain this will be a book I use again and again! She has an amazing way of writing as if she is right there talking to you! Not only that, but I do believe prayer is needed in our lives. And now I don’t just believe prayer is needed but FerVent prayer is needed! Below you will find the summary of strategy 10 from the book.

Hello Ladies,
We talked about Strategy 10 this past week, Your Relationships.

I have a hard time with this chapter. Not because it doesn’t make sense or the concept of prayer for it doesn’t make sense, but because of my family and friends.

I live with friendly fire on a regular basis. I have a lot of people in my life who practice a different religion than I do. I have come to believe a much different view. That having a religion is much different than being a Christian.

I was driving to church and some of the things that have been said in my life smacked me upside the head. I was not on earth when Christ was. I am not one of those who God spoke to and spoke through to create the Bible. I am not one of the people God chose to pick the books of the Bible. I am not one of those people that God picked to be a pastor or Father or preacher. I am one of the people God picked to love.

If I am telling others there is only one real Bible. If I am telling others there is only one real religion. If I am telling others who to live their religious life. I have placed myself in the position of the Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit! That is not who I am and it is not who I will ever be.

I was not placed here to judge what other Christians do. I was placed here to love others where they are. I was placed here to be Jesus with skin on. I was seriously hit over the head with, “Those things are judging others”. Telling someone your way is the only way, judgment. I have not done that, in a long time, but long ago I did. Why He brought it to my head I didn’t get, until listening to others.

We serve a truly amazing God. Why isn’t it possible that He has chosen to have all these different types of religion to reach each person the way they need to be reached?

Our job is to love others in our lives and to show them His light. Our job is to pray for others in our lives and to show them His light. Our job is not to judge others in our lives because that is friendly fire.

Can you imagine if we really were all united. All of the churches, religions, Christians truly praying for His will to be done! Could you imagine the peace that would be had in each city and state with all of that unity?

It is time we step away from the devil and the things he wants to use us for. It is time we step away from the gossip, the jealousy, the bitterness, the arrogance and the self-ambition. It is time for us to focus on those things and see them for what they are, a relationship breaker and the devil worming his way into our lives. 

It is time for us to dig in and get into FerVent prayer each time the devil tries to wiggle his way in to our relationships and the church. It is time for us to escort him out of the building and out of our lives because he is no longer welcome.

Our relationships with those in our lives is vital. Our relationships show others what our insides are about. Are we letting our lives be run by Christ and are we trying to follow Him or are we consumed with the bad things satan has for us.

Next week we will talk about Amen (great read if you haven’t read it yet) and we get to hear Susan talk about the armor of God!

Blessings to each of you!
Amy

If you read the Bible there is no mention of religions in it. It talks about God, Christ, the Holy Spirit, love, giving, helping, salvation, redemption, and being ready for Jesus to come again. So how anyone can say with such certainty that they know the religion they follow is the right one, the only one and the one Christ wants you to follow bothers me. 

So what do I do about that? I pray about it. It isn’t for me to judge others who feel that way. It isn’t for me to be stating those things either.

I love Each and every one of you! I do not care if you are purple, green, white, brown, pink, yellow or grey. I do not care if you are straight, gay, transsexual, bisexual, atheists, Muslim, Buddhist, or Christian. I was put here to love you. I was put here to help you. I was put here to pray for you. 

Where do you stand? Do you have issue with anything like this? 

What Does Anger Do?

Your Hurts Need Forgiveness For Freedom

So not long ago I had been thinking about, working through and studying forgiveness. I had posted a bunch of verses about forgiveness here. Then I went into what it means here. Of course then in our Bible study on Wednesday we come Your Hurts.

In my Wednesday morning woman’s Bible study we are reading FerVent by Priscilla Shirer. It is an amazing book. It helps you look at ten different strategies that are common places that the devil attacks in our life. She teaches you how to use the Bible and verses and how to get into fervently praying. 

At the end of each chapter (or strategy) I try and write a summary of what it was about. Below is what I wrote for this past week.

Hi Everyone,

Yesterday we talked about Strategy 9, Your Hurts. I was so shocked to hear how many of us take simple things and turn them into bitterness and place a hold on forgiveness.

This chapter was a hard pill to swallow for me. I always think I have forgiven someone or something and all is great. Then I get around that person and I feel myself getting tense and angry all over again.

Or another problem I have is I actually do forgive a person for something that was done and then they do a new thing. I have to start all over again and it just makes me so mad. Then I question why does this keep on happening over and over!

I have been doing a serious study for myself about forgiveness. There is a lot in my life that I have to forgive and there is a lot I have done in my past that I have needed to forgive. It isn’t easy, it takes time, it takes effort and it really takes some determination on your part to continually go to God with it all.

I have been doing this study because God has been urging me and I am so tired of feeling that anger, hurt and bitterness. There are just some things in life we have to accept are not going to be the way we want them to be. We don’t control other people, their thoughts or their actions. When we let go of the control and when we let go of how we feel they should be acting, it opens a whole new door to forgiveness and acceptance. 

I have always heard my whole life, “If only we were given an instruction manual.” We have had one our whole life. It may not hold the answers we want to hear but it does hold the answers. We are told to forgive others, when they repent. We are also told to forgive others so we can be forgiven. 

Just like she talks about in the book, we are told we are forgiven so that we are forgiven but with God’s grace our sins are already gone and we are forgiven. So forgiveness really is for us. We need to forgive so that we can have a close, personal and beautiful relationship with God.

There is a time and place for anger. You have a right to get mad, be upset and then to forgive and move on. There is also a time and a place for not putting yourself back into a situation. In order to really know the difference, you have to be able to hear God (when it isn’t screaming at you with a red flashing light).

That is really where having to forgive comes in. Here, on earth, I know when I am really upset and angry about something it affects more relationships than with just the person I am upset with. So if that happens here, what happens with God? If I am harboring any kind of anger, if I am refusing to forgive, I am not able to truly lay it all down at the cross and go to Him. 

I have to be honest with God. I have to ask for His help when I can’t forgive on my own. It is possible to be free. It is possible to enjoy life. But to truly get there, you can’t sweep things under the rug and not deal with them, for yourself. 

 I read a quote the other day that reminded me about what Dawn said. When she has forgiven and the thought comes into her mind she shuts it down. The quote was talking about how when you are dealing with negative thoughts, write them down and toss them out physically. It has a psychological affect on you. So maybe what we need to do is write down our angers, hurts and bitterness – give them all to God and physically toss them out!

Physically release them to God, they are no longer yours. It is a process, it does take time but God can and does work miracles. He can help you release all of those feelings that hurt your relationship with Him! 

Next week is our last chapter. We will be reading Strategy 10, Your Relationships!

See you on Wednesday!

Amy

Do you have anything you are holding against someone? Do you have something you are holding against yourself? It dosn’t have to be a huge thing, it can be the tiniest things. Sometimes we have to do some serious soul searching to find out what is holding us up. It is possible you don’t even know at this point what or where your hurts are coming from that are causing a block.

Praying that if you have some past hurts you have caused or if you have some past hurts you need to forgive that you find a way in your heart to move forward. 

I would love to hear a success story about forgiveness and where it has taken you!

If you need some help working on your prayer life, I highly encourage you to purchase the book FerVent. It has made a radical change in my prayer life and it has helped me move forward in places I didn’t know it was possible!

The Struggle Is Real With The Flesh

Today is Friday and since February 10, 2017 that means I am volunteering at church. I am in with the children who are sixth grade and above. We do have a couple  who are old enough to be in the sixth grade but are in fifth. We let them join us and so far we haven’t had any issues with that. 

Tonight we talked about our belief’s, values and how the affect the choices we make in life. The very last thing on the Bible study sheet was Romans 7:15. So often I feel as if Romans 7 is the story of my life. I want to be better. I want to do what is right and yet, the flesh controls and the sin wins. 

I don’t want the sin to win anymore. I fight against it. I tell myself over and over that I am not going to do that anymore. And then I do it anyway. 

I am sure I am not the only one. Things as simple as: I am done eating candy, I am done over stuffing myself, I am not going to use the credit card anymore, I am not going to eat out, I am going to work out, I am going to keep the house clean and the list goes on.

There is never one thing and everyone’s sins are different and unique to them. We all have struggles of the flesh. We all have things we never want to do again, and we all have our times of failure. What is your biggest struggle? Do you get angry at yourself when you do it again and again and again? 

The devil puts temptations in front of us. He knows where we are weak and where we struggle. He wants us to fail so we feel the guilt, the anger with ourself. He wants us to feel as if we just can’t get anything right. He wants to put that burden on you! He wants you to forget that God loves you anyway, that God knew you were going to fall, stumble, and do it over and over. He wants you to believe his truth and not God’s truth. 

Gods truth never changes. His truth tells us that we will be tempted. His truth tells us that He is faithful. His truth tells us that He will always provide a way out when we are tempted. 

So then why do we continue to fall into sin? Why do we continue to watch tv shows or movies we know we should not? Why do we continue to overeat? Why do we sit in our house instead of working out? Why do we choose to do what our gut tells us not to do and then just deal with the guilt?

Most of us when we are standing within reach of the choice we need to make, forget to turn to God. I know when I am standing there about to do something I know I should not do, when I am standing there about to make the same mistake for the millionth time, in the back of my head I tell myself this is the last time, I swear I won’t do it again, just one more. How many, “one more times” can a single person have? 

Tonight while at youth group, I wondered why God has me here. I don’t know how to pray, and yet I had to pray tonight. I don’t know the Bible as well as I would like. I don’t know how to explain the Bible verses when they ask. Here I was tonight leading Bible study to a group of kids feeling as if I was should just quit. I know God lead me here, I am doing as He called me to do and it is really overwhelming. It isn’t just me who is a leader. I truly thank God for that one. Still tonight I was leading. 

I know the thoughts in my head that are making me want to run are not from God. God is good. God is the encourager. God is love. My fears, my thoughts, my anxieties are not good, are accusing me and they are from the evil one. What is the devil trying to scare me from? What good thing is he trying to get me to run from? There has to be something.

Here is the big thing, tonight I came home and did something I have been working on. It was a rough night. It was a great Bible study discussion, for the most part. Then the one child who has a way of controlling the emotional status of the group made it clear he doesn’t like being there, he doesn’t like the group, he doesn’t like any of it basically. We wrap everything up, the kids head off for the night, I get home with my youngesters and I open a bag of candy. 

I ate my emotions. Not only did I eat my emotions, I ate them with candy I can’t stand. I specifically bought this candy for the group tonight so I would not touch it. I came home after feeling like I just am not doing the right things for the group. That I just keep on messing up everything. That I should not be the one talking to parents. That I should not be the one talking to the kids individually. That I should not be the one leading the talk sheets. I let myself be consumed with my emotions, with my insecurities and I ate them with the nasty candy I put into me. 

I know I’m supposed to be there though. God called me to this group. I know this. It was very clear before I prayed. It was even more clear after I prayed. Everyone I talked to confirmed it. So I can say with confidence that God called me to this group of teens. Yet I take a night like tonight, where we are talking about Paul and how he struggled with his sin and I come home do the same thing. Paul struggled with it and he was with Jesus. What chance do I have to be stronger? 

It really isn’t about being a stronger person than whomever came before you, is standing next to you or will come after you. We are all living in the flesh. We all have our struggles, we all have the evil one trying to take us down his path instead of God’s path, and we all have the same choices. Follow the flesh and sin, follow the flesh and turn to God and pray to Him and see the way out, and we also have the fact we know we have struggles, we know the evil one is tempting us because we do believe in God and his only objective is to take us to his side, we focus on our relationship with Christ by speaking to and praying to Him and we also accept that no matter how much we try to overcome sin, there are going to be times when we fall flat on our face. We need to get up, brush off, ask for forgiveness for the seventy-seventh time and we get back at it. All of this being accomplished with Christ by our side.

There is only one perfect person who ever walked this earth. Jesus was sent here for me and for you. He was human and He dealt with every feeling and emotion you and I ever will. He was tempted by the evil one many times. He was pushed and shoved and He blew up with anger. He was beaten, He cried, He loved, He asked that the Father forgive us. Then He died on the cross, spilling His blood to satisfy Gods wrath for all of our sins. All so that when God looks at me, He sees Jesus and His perfect, sinless, face. 

When you love someone, you want a relationship with them. You want to be with them. You want to do things to please them. Our relationship with God should be the same as it would be with anyone here on earth. Just because you are forgiven doesn’t mean you can just keep on doing wrong. It means you strive to do the correct things. It means you want to follow His Word. He knows we are going to fall and make mistakes. We know we are going to fall and make mistakes.

It isn’t a free pass for us. It is something we need to keep tucked deep within ourself. The evil one is sneaky and he wants us to forget. He wants us to feel that guilt and shame. He wants us angry and hurt with our own self and with others. He doesn’t want us to feel the love and acceptance from God. He does not want us to feel the forgiveness. 

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is going to be with me praying for a certain child in our teen group. Tomorrow is going to be a candy free day. Tomorrow I am going to wake up and start fresh and know that all I have been feeling today, all of my thoughts and choices, they are not from God. I made a bad choice tonight, I knew it was a bad choice and I did it anyway. I am forgiven.

It may not seem like a big deal to some but for a person who struggles with emotional eating and have been working to overcome it, tonight was a bad choice. I do have guilt right now. I do have shame that I did it. I am going to go to bed though, praying, asking for forgiveness and asking for more strength and a more prominent exit plan from the temptation next time.

What do you struggle with? Do you know that you are truly forgiven? Do you know that God loves you sin and all? 

Your Past Does Not Define You

In my Wednesday morning Bible study we are working through a book titled FerVent by Priscilla Shirer. She was in the movie War Room and she played the character Elizabeth. She wrote this book after doing the movie and I will forever be thankful. 

This Strategy 5 was actually a couple weeks ago now. I wasn’t going to post about it. Yes I am open and honest about my past on here, in bits and pieces. I didn’t put this up though because it gives a brief but scary description of my past. It gives you just enough to understand that I have a past and it wasn’t good, but doesn’t give many details. 

So here is what I wrote to the amazing women in my Bible study.

Hello Ladies,
Today we talked about Strategy 5, “Your Past”. The past is such a tricky thing to deal with. It is often used to put stumbling blocks in our path. 

The problem with the past is that it is always right behind you! You could lay down in bed tonight and start thinking about something you said, did, or didn’t do 30 seconds before laying down all the way to 30 years before you laid down. The way the devil works, the way his demons work, they see what you do, they choose things that bother you and they exploit them. 

I have a very unchristian past. I grew up catholic, so it isn’t that I didn’t grow up in the church. I went to Our Lady of Consolation from kindergarten to fifth grade. During that time, I had struggles, but it was in sixth grade when it all really came out.

I was not good enough. I was not smart enough. I was not cute enough. I was not friendly enough. I just was not enough. That is where it ALL went wrong! 

By the time I was in seventh grade I was making awful choices. By the time I hit high school, I was living with the devil himself (or so it felt like). Her exit 59 was my Rockford, Belmont, Grand Rapids, Sunfield and Greenville and beyond. I look back and can’t think of a single good choice, wise choice, unharmful choice that I was making at this point in my life.

It wasn’t just then it went beyond the teen years. It went into my young adulthood. Funny thing is I always felt like I was missing something. I was trying to fill this big empty hole in my life and I no matter what I did, I just could not fill it. 
Love didn’t fill it. Children didn’t fill it. Marriage didn’t fill it. Smoking cigarettes didn’t fill it. Drinking didn’t fill it. Friends didn’t fill it. Owning a home didn’t fill it. Even going back to my old church didn’t fill it. So I kept on searching and making unwise choices. 
Finally I came into NCC’s drive back in 2004. God was calling me home. I listened for the first time in a long time. This is when the past really started to hit me, the guilt, the shame, the choices I had been making and justifying year after year after year. 

Satan used people to bring me down. He used me against myself. He used my children. He is just really good at being a snake and slithering in where he has no business being. 

God is good all the time. God is love all the time. God is our encourager. The devil is negative. The devil is hate. The devil is the accuser. 

We do need prayer. We do need to have our strategic prayer. We also I personally think, need to memorize some verses to use against the devil. When he starts to use our past against us, we need to hit back, with his worse nightmare – our Savior, Our God, the Word, the Rock! 

When we turn our lives over to Christ, we are made new! Our past sins, our current sins and our future sins are as white as snow. Guilt and shame brought on by the devil need to take a hike, and we need to arm ourselves to kick him to the curb. 
Pray to God about your past. Ask Him who you can help with your past sins. Use those things for good and not for the shame and guilt satan wants them to be used for. 

Each of you when you share, amaze me. We all have our own journey and yet one thing bonds us all: Christ. Each of you is beautiful inside and out. Each of you has a gift inside of you waiting to be shared. Keep on growing in strategic prayer and allowing God to heal each of you! 

Next week, we tackle our fears! 

God Bless Each Of You!
Amy 

What was it that made me decide to share this today? My past actually. An old friend I reached out to. 

Our past does not define who we are. It is a part of us, yes. We can’t ever go back and erase it. We can’t go back and change what happened. It isn’t on a computer where we can hit delete and start over. It is out past. 

It does help shape who we are, but it does not have to define who we are. God sent His son here for me, for you, for my children, and yours. He came here so that I am made new once I come to Him.

This doesn’t mean I can go ahead and do whatever because I am forgiven. This doesn’t mean I will be perfect and never sin again. What it means is that I am striving to be love, light, and His. I do my best not to sin, but it still happens. When you love someone, you want to do what is best for your relationship and this is a relationship. I want to do what makes Christ happy, what is correct, what is good and what shows that I have Christ in me.

It doesn’t always happen, but that is what I want. 

Today I invited the past back in. I reached out to see how this friend was doing. The best thing about today, I found out he found Jesus! It has been about 10 years now for him and it shows. You can feel Christ flowing through him. Even with me just reading his words. It was amazing, it was fabulous. 

I didn’t know what would happen when I reached out. He could have told me to jump off a bridge. He could have been the same person he was years ago. He could have ignored me all together. Instead, we talked, I said sorry for any pain I may have caused. Now I have this peace, this peace that God gave me. 

Your past does not have to define you. It can and does shape you in your life but it does not have to define your future. If you were writing a book, you as the author have control of the beginning, the middle and the end. In life your parents typically control your beginning, you control the middle and the end. 

For a long time, I was stuck in a spot in my life where I felt I was what everyone said I was. I was stuck at about 14 years old in my mind. When people looked at me, spoke to me, looked down at my choices, I felt as if I was a 14 year old child. It took a lot for me to realize I was in control with Christ at my side and I was in control of my future. My past helped shape who I was but it was no longer going to define who I was.

Where in your story are you? Because if you do not like where your past has you at currently, write yourself a different ending! Your past does not have to define your future! 

What Does Forgiveness Mean? Part Two

We see a lot in the Bible about forgiveness. If we want to be forgiven, we are to forgive. Yet we are told that we are saved by grace, we have been redeemed by Christ dying on the cross, we are washed clean of our sins. So then why does Christ tell us we must forgive all the time?

I have come to realize for me when I am angry with someone, when I am upset with someone, when I am not forgiving it harms me. They have no clue. Their days are not ruined and harmed by what they did (most of the time). When I am thinking about what someone did to me, to my children, to my parents, to my friends, to my family I become bitter. My heart becomes hardened. I become angry, short tempered, and irritated to those who are around me. 

The biggest issue with all of those things on is that nine out of ten times I am not around the person who has done the wrong. So I am taking it out on those I love. I am taking it out on myself. Then it really hit me as I was really thinking about the verses I had been reading. Those who come and repent I have zero issues forgiving, it is forgiving those who do not ask for it. The forgiveness for those who don’t come back is for ME. 

I need to forgive for me. What good does it do to be angry at someone who is not around? What good does it do to be angry at someone who is around you? When you are upset or angry and the person is near, a lot of times you can talk to them and work it out (if there is good communication). However when you are angry at someone who is not around, you think about it, you fester on it, you just become bitter, mean and negative. That isn’t of God!

God is love. God is light. God is your protector, a positive influence on your life. The devil is the darkness. He is your accuser, and when you focus on him and all that is wrong, you turn negative. 

You see that forgiveness we are told to do isn’t for the other person. It is because God doesn’t want the accuser to be residing near us, in us. He wants us to be a positive person so others can see Him through you! Especially if those people know what you have gone through, know what you were angry about and see you come through the others side a positive person!

What is even better is that Christ was here on earth, He became human, He knows these feelings and so He understands what it takes to forgive. He knows that you can not just say I am forgiving, especially over certain things and it just goes away. He knows it takes time. He knows you may need to forgive a hundred times before you actually feel the forgiveness. He doesn’t want you to give up working on it.

There is something else that I have learned on my journey of forgiveness. You can not forgive a person and still be angry about what they have done. Forgiveness is not forgetting what has happened. Forgiveness is not holding it over their head. Forgiveness is not holding it in your heart. Forgiveness also does not mean putting yourself back in the same situation. Sometimes you have to forgive but walk away. Sometimes you have to walk away and then forgive.

I have done some things in my life that have needed forgiveness. I probably have not asked everyone I have wronged for that. I have had a lot of things done to me in life that have hurt me. Emotional scars are hard to work though. It is a must though. Your past affects your present, if you do not work through it. Even if you don’t have a person asking for you to forgive them, you have to find a way to forgive.

There are times when I think I have forgiven the past and then something happens and it rears its ugly head again. It can be very frustrating. Then I need to take a step back and really think about what is bothering me. Is it the past that I have not forgiven or is it something new that is bringing angry out or is it a combination of the past and the present. Is there something new going on that is similar to something from the past. 

Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is for you and your relationship with God. Forgiveness is for you and your relationship with those who are in your life daily. Forgiveness is hard and it is work. Forgiveness does not happen overnight but it is all worth it. 

Another side of forgiveness is about you being able to say you are sorry. We can be angry and upset at ourself for not saying sorry. Then we have that inner self beating of unforgiveness inside.

What is forgiveness? It is so that you are not filled with hatred. It is so that you can shine and show others God’s light. It is for your own personal joy and happiness. Forgiveness is also about asking others to forgive, it is about being able to say you are sorry. 

Forgiveness is a necessity in this world, in our lives. 

Are you needing to forgive someone? Maybe the person you need to forgive is yourself?