Give To Others

Not long ago I started volunteering on Friday nights at our church. I was not sure what would be involved. I was not sure why I needed to do it, but God was pulling me into it. So I decided instead of ignoring the call from Him like I had been doing so often, I would go. I would volunteer. I would serve. I would see what He had waiting for me.

As I have gone week after week I am getting to know the young adults who show up. I am learning about them, their lives, their history, and families. I am getting to know new adults at our church (not new to the church, new to me). I am stepping out of my comfort zone and seeing something I didn’t know I needed. 

My younger kiddos are going with me on Fridays now and helping in the little kids area. They are seeing what I am doing, they want to help and volunteer as well. They are little Jesus’ with skin on. He came here to teach and serve. He was teaching and serving, He was a child, He was love from the time He was born. My children are seeing me, learning from me and now these little ones are turning into little adults who are giving their time, their love, they are serving.

Last week I was not able to go. I had a prior commitment and I thought it may be a nice little break. I missed them all. I was at the banquet with Jack and sat there praying for the people who I was not with. I was praying for the adults. I was praying for the kids. Not what I expected to be doing on my nice little break. 

We are told to use our gifts. We are told to give to others. We are told to serve others. We are instructed to love others. We are supposed to do to others what we would like done to us. 

I have been picking and choosing what I would do when He called me. I would put things off, until I was hit in the head with it. Even then I would attempt to put it off a little longer, depending upon what it was. He would be calling me to serve in some way, He would be calling me to give in some way and I would run for my life. 

I may never knew what blessing He has in store for me if I live in fear and run away. I may miss teaching my children a lesson and allowing them be a blessing. I may miss teaching others a lesson and allowing them to be a blessing. I may miss teaching myself a lesson and allowing myself to be a blessing. Tonight when I walked into the room I was blessed. Tonight when I played a game with everyone I was blessed. Tonight when I put the music on and sang I was blessed. Tonight when I listened to the poems, the basketball, the chatter, the joy I was so blessed.

I never really thought of me giving to others as a blessing for me. It is a great thought and a great feeling. It has filled me with something I have not felt in a long time. It has filled me up. I leave there on a high from being with everyone, from giving what I can.

I used to volunteer because I was asked and I just said yes. I didn’t feel called to it. I didn’t really want to do it. I could not wait for my time to come and go. I dreaded the week I was volunteering and I kept on saying yes each time I was asked. I wasn’t praying about any of it, I was just saying yes because I knew you were supposed to give your time.

Funny, as I sit here a thought just came over me. My whole life I have a thought or a want and I have just jumped in. No prayer, no is this from God or from me, I would just jump in. Nothing and I mean nothing went how I wanted it to, how I thought it should go and the end results was always the same: misery, unhappy, failure and dread. All of my past choices have influenced my lack of listening to God. Here I am, praying, knowing, hearing Him and I run the other way instead of jump in. I have been so scared of my old self and the results I used to get when I did it my way, when I did it myself, and never went to Him. If He is love, if He is calling me to something, if I am praying on it and know it is of Him it isn’t going to have the same results as my past. It is going to shine Him. It is going to show the world what He can do. It is going to be successful, happiness, blessed and learning. 

I do not have a clue how long I am going to be called to be in this position. It could be a month, it could be a year, it could be a decade. No matter what amount of time it is, I am going to soak it in and enjoy it. I am going to enjoy the blessing He is giving to me from my giving. I am going to love watching my children doing the same thing. I am always excited to see my children give to others, that is a blessing to me. It never even crossed my mind that I would be as blessed giving to others more than I am by watching my children sharing and giving.

I can only imagine how much God swells with pride and joy watching us. This just reminded me of parts of the book The Shack by W.P. Young. He really is amazing. He loves us all and just wants to watch us be blessed. He is particularly fond of us all. Crazy to think of it. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it (before you go see the movie that is now available). The book changed the way I view God and how much He loves me.

Have you been giving? What does it look like when you give? Are you enjoying it or are you feeling like you just have to do it? Maybe it is time to step back, pray and see where He is calling you to be blessed! 

Blessed and Cancer Free

Today was the day I went back to my urologist. I knew we would talk about my CT Scan results. I knew I had the cystoscope that was going to be done. I wasn’t really sure what all of this was going to bring.

It has been a rough week. I actually woke up today and somehow had managed to forget about my test today. Not once, not twice, three times. I had to ask a friend to remind me where I was going after my Bible study this morning. 

Even though I had been given a peace about all of this in regards to cancer, I knew I had kidney stones and a cyst that I wasn’t sure about. Thankfully I got a great result today:

1. My bladder looked amazing. A total of four pin holes was all he could see. Typically I am one thousand plus when it comes to the pin holes. Four is AMAZING! Thank goodness. I have been diagnosed with IC since 1998. I have done just about ever med out there (if not all of them), bladder treatments and the diet. I still have IC but my bladder is healing! Talk about a wow!
2. There were no masses or tumors in my bladder.
3. There were no lesions in my bladder.
4. I do have kidney stones. Due to other issues, the procedure will be a bit more complicated. I can either wait for them to try and pass them and hope for the best or we can do elective surgery. Of course it won’t just be one surgery, they would have to do one kidney at a time. So I asked some questions and it comes down to this: I do have some stones that are bigger that could cause issues. If they do cause issues, with me being on a blood thinner, it will be very complicated and I will be in the hospital for a good week. If we do elective surgery, we are in more control and I Amy only need to spend one night in the hospital. 
5. I do have a cyst and it isn’t where it normally would be. It is in the meat of the kidney. He said it could be malignant because of the fact it does have calcification on it. He would like to for the time being just monitor it. If it starts to change (shape or more calcification), then we will need to do a biopsy. If it comes back malignant then it would require surgery to remove it. I did ask if I went with the elective kidney stone surgery if the cyst could be removed as well and it can’t because of the abnormal location. 

So I am very blessed. The peace He gave to me, I just knew I was okay. I didn’t expect to get such a great report about my bladder but I am so happy about it.

Now we are going to jump back to a little earlier in the day. Today everything that has been going on hit me and hit me hard. I look forward to and love my Wednesday morning Bible study. It is like getting a huge hug and they are a great support system. God has blessed me with this group in ways I never knew were possible. 

Today was the first time I would see most of these women since my oldest attempted suicide. I didn’t really give details in the prayer request or the updates. I saw a couple on Sunday and talked a little bit but for the most part, this was the first time I would be talking about it.

I have not really cried about it. I have had tears here and there. I cried when talking to him. Still after the conversation in the hospital, after the conversation yesterday and then the one this morning, I was really heartbroken. 

It was evident with the words, he really didn’t want to change. He was giving excuses and reasons why not to do something. It typically would harden my heart with boundaries but Bible study broke through that wall and the tears just couldn’t stop flowing.

This was given to me by someone who since I met her, has been a huge blessing to me. She walked over with a bag today, we talked, I cried, she hugged me, told me she understood and for the first time in a really long time I felt like I wasn’t alone and someone understood my agony deep inside. 

It isn’t that people are not there for me. I have been so blessed to have so many around me, praying for all of us. However I have felt alone because you can’t really explain how it feels for your child to try and take their own life and to be laying in front of you on life support. 

When I say this is the best gift I have ever been given, I am not exaggerating. The time, the effort, the words, the picture, the verses, they are just perfect. It is a reminder for dark times. It is a reminder for light times. It was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. 

The first thing I picked out was, “You are highly treasured and loved by me…Jesus” and I am and I always will be. While I know this and believe this, there are moments when that reminder is needed. 

What is the best gift you have ever been given? Today has been a day of blessings and I am so thankful!

Mental Health Issues Are No Joke

Do you know what one of the most important things you must do when you have people in your life who have mental health or addiction issues? Take care of yourself.

It makes sense because logically if you are not taking care of yourself then you are useless. Useless to those you are supporting. Useless to yourself. Useless to your family. Useless to your pets. Basically you are a puddle of goo who can’t think and make good choices and who can’t accomplish anything.

This weekend was rough on me. This weekend started out with a call from a social worker telling me that my son was on a ventilator supporting his breathing. This weekend was me not knowing if he was going to wake up, wake up and have brain damage, wake up and be perfectly fine or what it was going to be.

I just talked about how I haven’t had to deal with this and how thankful I was. I guess I just spoke to soon. It was a social worker calling means . Thankfully, this time it wasn’t an officer letting me know he was gone or a social worker. You can read about it all here.

The sad thing for me is this doesn’t and can’t change anything. I can’t turn around and take him in. I can’t take over and do everything for him. It still has to be up to him. He has to be the one who wants to get the help. He has to be the one to make better choices.

It breaks my heart. I just want to take it all away from him. I just want to make him feel better, to feel loved, to feel normal, to feel like he is important and cared about.

I had to take care of myself this weekend, even though I only slept two hours in a forty-eight hour period. When his grandma offered to stay overnight with him I said yes. I went home and got a full nights sleep. I got up and went to church. Then I went up to the hospital. Took the stairs when I could. It was a part of taking care of me.

Even when you take care of yourself, you get worn out. It is a different kind of worn though. I have this unbelievable peace about everything and at the same time, it makes me tired.

It is hard to stare into your child’s eyes and see yourself. It is hard to look at your child and know that life could be different, but know that he has to figure it out himself, just like you did. I talked about a lot of this before here. When your past is staring at you and all you want to do is take the pain away, but the reality is you can’t. This baby of yours has to learn for themself.

It isn’t that I haven’t tried. It isn’t that I haven’t been there. I have been and I always will be. My being there just has to be different now than it was in the past. I love him but it has to be that he makes things happen and come from within himself.

I am going to work on a notebook for him though. I am going to find typical thoughts (I’m not good enough, No one loves me, etc) and put the Biblical truth on the other side of it. I will also find some just pick me up quotes to put in it. While he may or may not look at it currently, I am praying he will keep it with him so he has it when he is ready and needs it. It will be truth in a notebook for him! It will also give me something else to focus on and getting in the Word to find Truth is always worth it for me!

Before he was taken from the hospital to the mental health hospital we had a talk. We talked about him needing to want it. We talked about him needing to open his mind and heart. We talked about him needing to love himself. We talked about him being important and loved and how he has to work through his anger and find better ways to deal with it.

I am praying God gets back into his heart. That he opens his heart up to the Light, Love, Faith and Hope. I am praying that he never tries this again. I am praying that I never have to bury a child of mine. I will continue to pray and hope for him to feel the love not only from his family here on earth, but from his Heavenly Father.

Mental health is hard. There is never an easy answer. It would be an easy answer if those with have mental health issues just did what was needed instead of reacting. It would be easy if there was one medication that worked for everyone. It would be easy if we all had to be on medication, see a therapist, have a psychiatrist and was given respect and help.

Life is messy for normal people. Life is tornado messy for people with mental health issues on medications. Life is tsunami messy and deadly for people with mental health issues who are on no medication, no care, and self medicating.

God is my sustainer. I have a peace and I know that no matter what is going to happen down the road, He loves my son, He loves me and He is with both of us. I can support my baby boy but I can’t do for him anymore.

It is so hard as a parent when you know what is causing all the anger and aggression and can’t do anything until your child decides to help themself.

Mental health issues can be hereditary, because of sexual, physical, verbal abuse, because of pain both physical and emotional. Men and women can suffer and be affected by mental health. There isn’t anything that anyone can do to prevent it because everyone is going to suffer from some sort of mental health problem at some time in their life. There are different degrees to it all, just like anything.

I won’t get into my true feelings about how mental health problems are handled with health care but I will say we are the only advocates that can make a difference. We are the only ones who can be there for each other and help make changes to our systems.

Do you suffer? Do you have a child who suffers? Do you take care of yourself?

Suicide happens every day. Suicide attempts happen every day. Thoughts that lead to those attempts happen every day.

This weekend was a huge struggle. This weekend was full of tears and prayers. This weekend was scary. Thankfully though this weekend was not the end.

Do you need prayers because you are dealing with something like this? Are you the parent? Are you the child? Are you the spouse? Let me know how I can pray for you!

Better Not Bitter

I love when someone says something that just sticks! Not only does it stick but it makes you think about yourself. It makes you think about your life. It helps you change areas that you are struggling with.

So one of my best friends has been saying, “I want to be Better Not Bitter” when she starts to get upset over certain things. So guess what I have been repeating when things start to go south? You guessed it, “Better Not Bitter”.

You know how fast you can turn into a bitter person? It really takes no time at all. Read something on facebook about a friend who is traveling? How about how perfect their family is? How about the perfect date their spouse planned? How about the new car? It is so easy to read something on social media or even talk with someone and start to turn bitter over what they are telling you.

We should be happy for those people! We should want them to be given joys and gifts. We should not be jealous or bitter over what God has gifted others. We should thank God for what we have. We should want to be better. We should want to be happy.

What do you pray for? I pray a lot for peace. I pray a lot for stability. I pray a lot for joy. I pray for a lot of things really. When I look at what I pray for, how do I know that someone else isn’t praying for the same thing? How do I know that the vacation isn’t a joy they have been praying years for? I do not because I am not them.

I would hope that someone looks at my social media and doesn’t get bitter about what I am putting up. I pray they don’t see someone as bragging or perfect or all together because we are so far from that!

We are the biggest cracked pots there are out there. I just hope that as we walk and talk as these cracked pots we are water flowers that need it along the way.

The next thing I find myself saying on a very regular basis right now is, “Give It To God!” It goes with 1 Peter 5:7, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”

Life is messy. It has ups and downs. What hurts some people does not hurt others. Our pains can not be measured in the same ways. Our feels have the same names but you can’t know exactly how my happy feels and I can not know how your happy feels.

I belong to an amazing church family. Over two years ago we started to tithe on a regular basis. That hasn’t left room for savings though. I attend Bible study twice a week (sometimes more if there are classes). I go to church and sing my heart out in praise to God (there is nothing like lifting your arms up to God and giving Him the praise He deserves).

At home I am a stay at home mom. I am also a work at home mom. My house keep skills are lacking when I don’t force myself to keep up. I spend time in the morning doing Bible study. I pray and talk throughout the day. I turn christian music on and sing and dance around because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel loved. It shows God He is never far from me.

Still with Him around me so much and with me in Him so much there are days I have to stop and give it to God. Today was one of those days. Here is what I wrote to my
Bible study group tonight when asking for prayers because I currently was struggling to give it to God alone:

Prayer Request:

I am laying it all down here. I need some wisdom ladies. From Noon to 3 PM today all doors closed for fixing our car. We still owe just about $6k on the car. It isn’t fixable, it needs a whole new engine and that is around $7,200. So for the next 12 months we will be paying our car payment and full coverage insurance for a vehicle we can’t use.

I have given all of this to Christ since it started on November 8th. I haven’t been worried or upset, I have just given it all to Him. Today however I have been very angry and hurt (since say about 3 PM). I do not enjoy feeling this way.

I just really need to be lifted up. I have someone who is struggling with some pride issues over all of this stuff. Being a 1 car family is going to be miserable but doable. On days I have things to do, I will get up at 5 with him and take him to work. On days I have nothing to do he gets to drive to work on his own. The problem with all of this comes when Adam graduates in May and starts his apprenticeship. Then the kiddos will have to get up at 5 to take Daddy into work. Still doable.

I just really need some wisdom. Something to jump out at me saying take this path. Something to point us in the correct direction because everything I have done so far is resulting in closed doors. Maybe I am just missing the obvious.

Please pray for me to hear His words and His path if He is talking to me.

Thank you!

I have been pretty upset tonight. I really wanted to just not go to church this evening for Bible study but I knew I needed time to hear His word and to write to Him. I was struggling to focus on anything. I was not being better, I was being bitter. If I want to have some peace about any of this stuff, I need to be lifting it up instead of focusing on what is wrong!

I used to be a very negative person all the time. I have worked very hard on changing that. I still have my moments, hours, days, and weeks where I focus on the wrong stuff more than focusing on the right stuff. So when I have these slips, I try very hard to focus on the positive. The happy things. The good things. The right things. The truth.

The truth is no matter what I do, no matter what I don’t do: HE LOVES ME!

Do you have times where you see you are going down the wrong path? What do you do to turn yourself around? Do you have anything you say to yourself to help pull you back?

---

Would you like to contact us ?
CLICK HERE

*Young Living is the only essential oil we recommend.

*Juice Plus+ is the only company we recommend for whole food based nutrition.

*Think One Change links are most of the time an  affiliate link.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

 

Faith

At the end of each day there is only one thing I can count on: my Faith that Jesus gifted to me.

---

Would you like to contact us ?
CLICK HERE

*Young Living is the only essential oil we recommend.

*Juice Plus+ is the only company we recommend for whole food based nutrition.

*Think One Change links are most of the time an  affiliate link.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Being the Me God Created Me To Be

I belong to a woman’s Bible study. From September to May we meet on Wednesday morning and discuss the chapter we read for whatever book one of the leaders has picked.

Since we started meeting in September we have been reading, “You’re Loved No Matter What. Freeing Your Heart from the Need to be Perfect” By Holley Gerth. In between meeting on Wednesday and going back the next Wednesday I typically write a summary about what I got out of the chapter.

This past week we read chapter six and for me it was my favorite, eye opening and perfect (yes perfect) chapter that all women (and men) should take the time to read.

Hi Ladies,

I think at this point this past chapter has been my favorite so far. Chapter Six was truly eye opening for me.

Daring to Be Who You Already Are was just what was needed for me.

My husband often asks what it is I want to do. My answer 9 out of 10 times is, “I don’t know because I don’t know what I like to do anymore.” It was similar to what Kathy was saying – I have lost myself because I have thrown everything into my children and husband.

When I started to work on finding myself I would often feel beaten down by others. One of the things I love to do is write (shocking I know). Things I would hear would be stuff like, “You want to write? How can you help others when you were horrible at English?” and that would end that direction in my life. About three years ago though; maybe longer, I realized that it isn’t about those people. It was about me and God and who He made me to be.

When I started coming to New Community back in 2004 I was lost and confused and I just wanted to feel loved. Over the past 12 years I have been involved with many things at the church. Kingdom Kids, Choir, Small Group for Choir, Bible Study, Secret Sister, and more. All of those things pointed me to the one way to feel loved, building a relationship with Christ. I had grown up going to church but the one thing I was never taught was building a relationship with Him!

I still felt lost though because I didn’t know how to build that relationship. I would pray. I would just talk. I would try to read the Bible from beginning to end. I would listen to music and sing. I would read the books for our studies. I would try to connect with Him in all the different ways people were recommending to me and I still felt like I was missing something. I just didn’t know what it was. How was I missing the connection? I wanted a relationship with Him so what was I doing wrong?

Last year I started to see so many people talking about Bible Journaling. I thought hmmm maybe that is for me. But I am not artistic like I would see some of these people be. I am lucky I can draw a stick figure and that others know it is a stick figure. I am creative in many ways, just not with drawing. So after much pondering I decided I was going to write in my Bible. I purchased a journaling Bible and some pretty pens.

In the very beginning I would read, underline and pretty much just write in the margins where they had lines. Then the more I did it, the closer I was drawn to Him. The closer I was drawn to Him, the more I heard Him. The more I heard Him, the more I was free to write in His Word with my Words (see below).

Discovering who God created you to be and becoming that person is the most important things you can do for yourself. Your relationship with Christ depends upon you knowing and being who you are meant to be. Whom He placed you here to be! When you are that person, you are closer with Him here on earth than you could ever imagine. He speaks to you in ways you understand. That is why He made you this way. So He can build that relationship with you and so you understand what He is doing and saying.

If you have not taken the time to take these different “tests” I highly encourage you to do so.

Five Love Languages: http://www.5lovelanguages.com
Sacred Pathways: http://www.northpointministries.org
Personality Tests: http://www.myersbriggs.org
Your Strongest Life: http://www.stronglifetest.com

I can’t tell you how to create your path to our Creator but these tests may help you get there. I just know that this chapter confirmed why over the past eleven months my relationship with Him has bloomed. It allowed me to truly see I am unique and that isn’t bad, it is fabulous! I am turning into the person God made me to be and that path is leading to a much closer relationship with Christ!

Chapter 7 next week ladies! Can’t wait to see you then.
Amy

I am still discovering who I am in Him. I am still growing and learning but at the same time I am getting closer and closer to Christ. It is a great feeling to be getting closer to Him. I don’t feel as if I am lost anymore.

I am not perfect. I will never be perfect but I am not lost. I talk with Jesus. I walk with Jesus. I sing to Jesus. I write to Jesus. I read His Word. I listen to Him. I dance with Him. I am finally on the path to being the exact person He made me to be.

It is one of the most freeing things I have felt in a very long time. It helps me to know that we really, truly are all unique and different and beautiful in our own way. He speaks to me in ways that are not the same that He speaks to you. I love that we are all different. We all have something in common…. God, Jesus Christ, & the Holy Spirit…. That One is enough to draw us all into a like family, a loving family, and it is how we find who we are as individuals!

I finally have this peace about being unique. I used to dislike that word, now I am embracing it!

Do you know who you are in Him? Do you know how you connect with Christ and how best to build your relationship with Him? I hope you find your way if you haven’t already!

---

Would you like to contact us ?
CLICK HERE

*Young Living is the only essential oil we recommend.

*Juice Plus+ is the only company we recommend for whole food based nutrition.

*Think One Change links are most of the time an  affiliate link.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

I Choose God

My blog(s) used to be my outlet. I don’t always post about everything that goes on but this is going to be a baring, vulnerable, open and honest post.

Over the summer I did a Bible study with a few ladies. This study helped cement something I have known but didn’t want to accept. Maybe a better way to say it is I wasn’t sure how to fully accept it.

God has chosen me. God knew all of the bad choices I would make in my life. God still sent Jesus to save me. Jesus died on the cross for me. When God looks at me what He sees is me white as snow and not a stain at all. I am completely forgiven for all I have done, for all I currently do and for all I will do in the future.

I have not been a good example for my children, especially my older boys and for a while my daughter. My youngest has always seen me at church and married to his dad. That wasn’t always who I was, even up to recent times. I was pregnant for Kyle at age 17 and unmarried. Ran off to get married in Vegas but that didn’t happen. I got pregnant for Adam by a person I wasn’t with. There had been a fight with the boyfriend and he kicked me out and changed the locks. I went to a friends and well the rest was history. The ex boyfriend and I got back together was aware of it and decided to be Adam’s dad and is on the birth certificate. We did end up married and then went through a horrible divorce. I got pregnant for Bella while married to my ex husband by my current husband. I got pregnant for my youngest while still married to my ex but we got married (when the divorce was final) before our youngest son was born. I am bipolar who has self medicated. I am bipolar and I have self medicated with: alcohol, smoking, sex, shopping, cutting (self-mutilation), and pretty much anything else you can think of really; sans drugs. I have burned through relationships left and right. I have been in bad relationships teaching them what not to do and how to put themselves first instead of God. Truth be told I have many stories that could show you just how unGodly, selfish, and my path of poor choices but now is not the correct time.

Now currently I am watching one of my children go down the same path I did. Can he come out of it? I have no doubt in my mind but he has to make that choice for himself.

The only thing I can do is pray for him and choose not to enable him and his ways.

We allowed him to come home a few weeks ago because he was bawling and begging for help. He got here and started the process of getting a doctor, getting help groups set up, even looking into rehab places (to the point of doing interviews). Then not even a week after being home and agreeing to all we had placed in front of him, it all started to come to an end.

He was lying, disrespecting, stealing, drinking, manipulating and doing what he pleased because it is his life. Can you guess what changed? He met a girl and she was living her life the way he had been prior to coming home. As a matter of fact one of the conversations I had with him went something like this, “Well Bleep Bleep and I don’t understand why you have the same rules her mom has. We just don’t understand them and they are ridiculous because we are adults.” and my response, “What rules are those?” son’s response, “No overnight guests, no early morning guests, no drinking, no drugs, having to go to support groups and that kind of crap.” my response, “Because for me, it is my home and even though you are an adult you are living here and these are my rules. While I have made poor choices in my past I do not want your siblings to see these poor choices and think they are okay. So if you don’t like them you can leave.” The huffing and puffing went on but the things had already started going downhill.

Last Monday was the final escalation and blowout for me. I ended up calling the police. Do you know how tiring it gets having to do things like this? Do you know how much it breaks you each time you have to do something like this? Do you know how overwhelming it is to have to make a choice like this?

Now this is where something really important comes in for me. I love my family. I love my parents, my siblings, my children, my husband, my church family, my extended family and my friends. Still most of all I love God. I choose God.

I am not perfect and I never will be. I do my best to change but it isn’t all up to me. I have started to build this amazing relationship with Him and over the course of the last nine months He has really changed a lot of things about me, with me. One of the biggest is our relationship and how I see myself and Him.

Another thing that has changed is that I choose God and where He is leading me. I am not perfect. My home is not perfect. My yard is not perfect. My children are not perfect. Other may say things about how this or that is but it is okay. God has me on a path. He is guiding me and I choose to listen to and to follow where He is leading me. I have found an inner contentment with where I am in life, with where He has me and what He has me doing.

At home businesses – great take me there. At home mom – fabulous when can I play with my children. Best friend to my husband – how lucky to have a best friend for a husband. Caretaker and helper to friends and family – point me where I need to go. Blogger and educator – thank you Lord for this blessing, and gift so bring it on.

Who I am is no longer defined by who I want to be. Who I am is no longer defined by what others think I should be. Who I am is now defined by who God has chosen me to be. Who I am changes and I am okay and happy with where I am at in life.

I am not perfect in so many areas, like all of them. I do excel in some of those areas, thankfully I tend to like those areas.

I am not Martha Stewart. I am not the Fly Lady. I am not Joyce Meyer. I am not Mary Poppins. I am not Oprah. I am not Paula Deen. I am me.

I have been working so hard on me and being who God wants me to be and I am finally happy to be where I am. I am happy I can say, “I choose God”. I choose to go where He is pointing me. Not everyone is going to agree with where I go or what I do and that is okay. I was not put here on earth to make them happy, I was put here to do His will and be who He created me to be.

So last week was hard for me. This week hasn’t been much easier. I look around my house and see all the things I worked so hard at for 3 weeks, gone. It took a week but I know that this past week I was where I was supposed to be. I did all I was supposed to do. I was right where God called me to be.

Things certainly don’t look perfect from the outside or the inside but I can say, “I choose God” and I have been and wow does it feel good!

---

Would you like to contact us ?
CLICK HERE

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

*We only recommend one brand for ingesting essential oils. Young Living has a Seed to Seal commitment and promise. They are a pure therapeutic grade essential oil with a Vitality line that is for dietary usages.

*We only recommend one brand for whole food based nutrition. Juice Plus+ is very selective with their suppliers for the fruits, veggies & vineyard selection. We want to make sure if we are with a company that they have our best interests in mind!

*Any of the links you click on from Think One Change have the potential to be an affiliate.

God’s Promises

The Bible is full of His promises! Have you ever looked at it and really understood His Word?

Recently I’m truly starting to understand what it all means. I am getting that when I ask for forgiveness it’s as if it never happened in Gods eyes.

He is not a human in the flesh. Jesus was but He is what saved me from Gods wrath. The Holy Spirit was left within me and helps to guide me.

But I am totally and completely loved, forgiven, white as snow, and guided.

Best thing ever is -> So are YOU!

---

Would you like to talk to Jack or Amy ?
CLICK HERE

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

*We only recommend one brand for ingesting essential oils. Young Living has a Seed to Seal commitment and promise. They are a pure therapeutic grade essential oil. Always be sure to read the label for directions on usage for each individual essential oil.

*We only recommend one brand for whole food nutrition. Juice Plus+ is very selective with their suppliers of the fruits and veggies and vineyard selections. We want to make sure if we are with a company that they have our best interests in mind! Always be sure to read the nutrition label for directions on usages of each whole food nutrition capsule.

*Any of the links you click on from Think One Change leads to the potential that you could be providing a commission for us.

I Am Worn; i am weary

Old habits die hard. I made some really serious health changes last year and then again in March. It is August and all of a sudden the last week for me has been filled with old habits. Not just old habits but old bad habits.

We are human and if you believe in God or not, we are all in the flesh. What that means for me is that we tend to see the person, their past, their present, their thoughts, their actions and we lump them into this person. I do not talk about my past a lot because for the most part, I am not her anymore and I do not want to be judged on who I was way back then. Sometimes though it is hard not to talk about the past because part of it will always be a part of me and where I am right now.

When I had my oldest son, I was very young. My life for quite a few years had been full of turmoil. I ripped my immediate family apart. I had dropped out of school. I had defied and redefined who I thought I was. Then I was pregnant and about to become a mom.

Those years were filled with a lot of stupidity. For a long time I didn’t even raise my oldest. My parents were his guardians. I had asked them to do it and they did. Those for me were very scary years. Those were years I don’t even fully recall.

I drank, a lot. I smoked cigarettes, a lot. I self mutilated, a lot. I was very sexual. I was not the brightest person. I can say during those years I didn’t do drugs however. So I do have that going for me. Still those were not good years. Lived any place I could. Would go to Detroit just because with some friends. You name it and I probably did it back then. I was self medicating. I was at that point an unmedicated, undiagnosed bipolar train wreck. I attempted suicide three times and the third time in the ER a social worker came in and said, “Get help or we are putting you in the mental health facility.” I agreed to get help.

Now help didn’t fix it all and it took a lot of time. I still deal with things from back then. I still have problems because of back then. Currently I am worn and I am weary.

My oldest has a lot of the issues I had. We have done everything we can do for him. We have gone above and beyond so many times we have hurt ourselves, our relationship, our financial status, our family and our home.

Then there is also other issues that are going on that were brought on by my divorce. Things were supposed to be done by my ex and they were not. We ended up hurt financially and had to make hard choices. We thought things would be better after everything and it turns out, it is still hurting us. Not because of what we had to do but because of what my ex didn’t do. It is hurting us a lot more than I even thought would be possible.

Over the last week I just look at everything and wonder when will it all end. It has really come crashing down over the last week.

We started these home businesses for our health and our family. They then turned into businesses that were helping us financially. They still are helping us but it is all still work. I just have the luxury of working from home (or anywhere) when hours permit. Great because this last week the hours are typically late and erratic.

I have guilt from my past. I have pain from my past. I have unforgiveness at times towards myself. I have children who are angry with me after all these years. I have people who still see me as that unmedicated person who doesn’t know how to make a wise choice.

Weeks like these bring them all to a head. Finally after two weeks of trying I got responses and information. All of it within the last 24 hours. Once again we are in financial craziness because of different things but all of it truly comes down to because of my past.

How crazy is it that I don’t talk about my past because I don’t want to be judged on who I used to be and yet all of my current life issues are because of who I was. Over 23 years later and my life is still being affected by choices I made all those years ago. Not just in one way but many; emotionally, financially, mentally, physically (overeating again) and currently spiritually. Over 23 years ago I started making bad choices, over 12 years ago I started to make good choices; I wouldn’t change the good but I am ready to move on from the bad…

Don’t forget we have our August Giveaway going on. Register daily to win a free Peppermint and Lavender Young Living Essential Oil.

Be sure to register today:

Click -> August 2016 Giveaway

Just Prayed

So as days go, this has been a long one.

When you have friends in your life for a long time, they become family. When their family hurts, you hurt.

When they need comfort, if you can’t be with them, you pray.

When their children are hurting and they can’t be there, you run over to be with them for a few.

They are your family and just because they are not family by blood, does not make them any less important in your life.

My day started with time with God. Then we got ready for Bible Study (or as Jack David calls it, “Home Bible Study”). We then were blessed with a play date. [Although the play date caused my favorite sandals to be ruined as we left (material items, not important).] We got home and started a deep, quick, not so quick with whining children, clean of the bathrooms, kitchen, dining room and part of the living room.

Then I got a call and I left and headed over to my friends home and talked with the children. Needed to make sure they were okay. Left there and thankfully they were in a good mood, laughing, joking and doing okay.

I got home and realized I never made it to the store. The dogs had no food. My husband had no bread for work the next day. So I had to head to the store.

So while it has been a long day. While my day has been full of joys and sorrows. The biggest thing I have done today is just prayed.

My words when I do it out loud trip over each other. I often feel uncomfortable when I pray out loud (I think about a photographers trick of, if you feel comfortable being photographed; your position, your photographer is doing it wrong). Still when the time calls for me to pray out loud, I do it.

Today though was a day of silent prayer. Each step I took I was praying, for someone (Many on my prayer list). Each thought I had revolved around someone. I text a prayer and some verses today. It was a very prayer filled day.

He is my Comforter. I am never alone. So because of that, I can pray for you and you and you and you. So while today may have been a long (and busy) day, it was an excellent day to spend time with Him!